Hi there

I've been invited to the party! Hi everyone, and fellow blog mama's! I'm officially known here as BeachLivin, and I had come up with some other very cool user names, but they were already taken on Blogger. (Isn't that the way it goes?) I do live at the beach, in Southern California, in a very tourist-y location. Our small family - myself, husband and 3 1/2 yr. old son - have been here all of 6 weeks, and it's quite an adventure. But, the real adventure is motherhood itself and trying to figure out what that looks like for me. My goal in writing here is to share a very heartfelt, yet very real picture of my position as a mom, wife and person. Things are not all rosy in my world, yet there are some amazing moments of grace, love, happiness and craziness that we can all relate to. The not so rosy moments are probably very relate-able for some as well - and I hope that will provide encouragement and hope for those encountering similar challenges. As well, this forum will provide a place for me to further discover and reveal myself as a human with real faults, probing questions, and a desire to lean on God for help in it all. And - I won't feel so crazy in trying to balance life while trying to do a decent job of raising a pre-schooler!

I'm going to dive right in to the deep end of things here if no one minds. I've been married for 11 years, and at least 7 of those have been filled with a lot of strife. He and I both came into the marriage situation with a lot of baggage, and we've tried to make it work, but we simply need to get more help, and better directed help in overcomming stuff from our past and really, just growing up. It's a somewhat startling revelation to get to the 35-ish age and realize that one has not fully matured in some pretty important ways. So, I'm in the process of trying to get some maturity and adult-like skills now, which can be a bit of a struggle. (I would highly reccommend getting those skills earlier in life - trying to undo years of bad habits and immaturity is rough.) The other half of the struggle in this, is realizing I married someone who also didn't recieve some pretty important parenting pieces and who struggles with immaturity too. Throw into the mix trying to raise a child and give him the skills and tools that I'm now trying to incorporate, and it just gets pretty nutty at times. It's such a party here - don't you wanna come?? We have been to the brink of divorce (we both consulted lawyers and had very concrete plans of creating new and separate lives) and we decided to give it one more shot. We're trying and we're struggling - again. One of the reasons I like writing for a blog that has the word 'irreverent' in it is because in going on my growing up journey, I've had to cast off some of the traditional ideas of motherhood and wifehood (a word?) to get a real sense of who I am. I was, at a time, caught up in a church culture that taught that the way to pleasing God as a woman, and being satisfying to your man was to keep a very clean house, cook wonderful meals according to a schedule, and make your highest duty in life satisfying him. Hmmmm . . it didn't work for me, for us and doesn't work now, even though that's the place that my husband is most comfortable with as it relates to the whole husband/wife dynamic. So, I'm re-writing the rules in my family, folks, and trying to get my husband's input along the way, but it's not easy. If anyone can relate to trying to break-out of a performance based mentality, both self and other imposed, you know what I'm talking about. And if you can't relate to this please know how blessed you are!!

Well, I've really gone on here. On a more mundane note, we're in the thick of potty training and I've got a little boy who needs some help and attention. He loves Finding Nemo, sharks and dogs and has just started to enjoy frolicking in the waves at the beach. It's so fun to watch him enjoy life - I think I'll go join him.