Klepto Mom?

I’m not a klepto. I don’t enjoy stealing. I don’t want to steal. I don’t even know I’m stealing. But here’s the thing: I have the darndest time remembering bottled water at the bottom of my grocery cart. It’s hard enough keeping your 21-month old from tearing every glass jar off the shelf in the condiment aisle or completely destroying the candy display. How can I possibly remember to tell the cashier: “Did you get the water?”

Yes. It’s happened. The first two times I went back in and paid for the water when I noticed in my cart. The third time, my son was throwing such a fit the idea of going back in the store was like entering the gates of hell itself. So I rationalized it like this: how many times have I asked them not to put my Real Simple on the conveyer belt because I don’t want it covered in mystery ooze. But it doesn’t end up in my bag, yet I paid for it. I probably only go back a third of the time I get ripped off at the grocery store. Last week it was an $11 colander, so I felt it was worth the price of gas.

So I could probably avoid all this by doing the green thing and not buying bottled water at all. But until I get my new water filtration system, I have a new plan to avoid being the next feature Oprah does on “moms that steal.” I now put the water in the cart itself, not in the bottom. I can’t tell you how many times a well meaning cashier says, “next time you can leave it at the bottom.” Normally, I just smile and say, “okay,” yet continue to do it my way.

But last week, this cashier was downright rude about it. I heaved the water onto the conveyer belt. She gives me this totally annoyed look and tells me next time to leave it on the bottom. So, I say, “we’ll that doesn’t really work for me, I’ve walked out too many times without paying for it.” Did she change her tune? Did she seem to appreciate my honesty? No, she gave me another dirty look and litterly huffed. Maybe I caught her off guard, maybe she didn’t know what to say, but next time at that store, I just might do as she says and put it at the bottom . . . and forget it.