Car shopping with children

My husband is car shopping. He has decided that since it will be the car he’ll have for the next ten years it better be good. My husband, the forever wannabe surfer, has decided that he needs a car that says something about his “style”. I love this man and have known him for over 14 years and to this day I’m not quite sure he’d even had a “style”.

Regardless, me, J and the 2 kids have hit the car lots this weekend with a vengeance determined to find a family friendly car that has some style. J has ruled out mini-vans, despite all my begging, because “no self respecting man should be seen driving a mini-van”. We’ve also ruled out all uber–large SUVs – no Esclades or Expeditions. No Camrys or Accords because of J’s style issues – heck, who cares about reliability when you can look cool??

I think we may have settled on a Toyota FJ Cruiser. Our cheesy and absolutely out of touch sales associate sold us on how cool it was that it was so "industrial" - after all we could simply hose out the back after one of our many hunting excursions. The doors were fairly water tight so that when we were crossing rivers, we'd be safe. Yes, that's us the "hunting family"! Not! Hunting to us is going to a Farmer's market rather than our local grocery. Geez. This car is so unpractical - but it is better than the convertibles J has his heart set on.

Blog Mamas is typically focused on mommas and our trials and tribulations, but I thought our car shopping experience were pertinent because I forget that men have many of the same challenges in balancing their self image with what the rest of the world thinks of daddies.

I struggle on a daily basis figuring out how to maintain some kinda career, yet work part-time or at home. I balance soccer schedule and worry about whether we chose the right schools and yikes, is the Tiger Cubs ice cream social tonight? I drive kids to karate lessons and have conversations with girlfriend about how we can have it all – great part-time careers, fantastic kids and excitingly romantic rendevous with our partners. I know that I come from a privilege – not only from other women, but from many men too.

J, just doesn’t get the luxury of debating part time or not. He being an engineer and recent MBA will always make more money than me – a non-profit fundraiser. He really couldn’t handle volunteering for the school rummage sale and unfortunately, I don’t think he and his friends have conversations about how being a daddy changes you and how it should change your car choices. Don’t get me wrong, J is a wonderful father and husband. He is the first to go without to ensure that our kids keep wearing soccer cleats and me in highlights. So if purchasing a car helps him process those issues of wanting to be a cool hip dad that rolls up to baseball practice in a cool car and not a boring sedan, then so be it. I guess we mourn our “past images of our self” and our “twisted memories” of what life used to be like pre-kids in our own ways. I fantasize about the jeans I used to be able to wear.

Were we really that cool pre-Baby Bjorn? If we didn't have kids right now would we be climbing the Rubicon Trail or crossing river beds in our cool car? I don’t think so… but I guess we can pretend to with car seats in the back.