Remodeling Mom?

A while back I was having a phone conversation with an old friend. We were lamenting about our new lives in motherhood—she working outside the home, me working in the home. Our sons are six weeks apart in age and hers turned two a week and a half ago. In that time she’s taken maternity leave, gone back to work full-time, gone down to work part-time and now back to work full-time. Like all of us, she’s trying to figure out the life-work-mothering balance.

We were onto our familiar topic of “how to manage it all” and “what is the ideal situation anyway?” She commented that she wanted some perspective from stay-home moms but didn’t know that many. And that I really didn’t count because I was a Remodeling Mom. We had this conversation nearly two months ago, and those words keep haunting me. What does that mean, Remodeling Mom?

I mean yes, life has been pretty crazy coping through a kitchen-living-laundry-bathroom remodel with a toddler. To avoid living in the construction zone, we stayed at a friend’s place for a month (while she biked across Europe), went camping in Idaho for 10 days (well, it’s better than the backyard), and are now are living in 700 square feet of our 1400 square foot house. My day usually involves going to some home supply store, meeting with the designer or contractor, or scouring the Internet for a light fixture. If I’m not working on the house project, my time is spent coping with our situation--making pasta on the camp stove, doing dishes in the bathroom, begging a friend to let me use their laundry facilities, or driving around the block 25 times for naptime since it’s too noisy to be in our house.

I pretty much drag my near two-year-old with me everywhere on my daily agenda. It doesn’t mean we don’t go to the park or the pool, try out the finger paints in the backyard, or build trains together, but he does watch quite a bit of Curious George whenever I need a quiet, un-interrupted minute or two to make a phone call or heaven forbid, blow dry my hair.

Despite the financial, emotional, and physical challenges of going through a remodel, I do think it’s serving an interesting purpose for my psyche. It’s replacing the mental stimulation of working and even to a certain extent the social aspect of the office. Granted I’m limited to the wacky world of contracting—a culture that is not without it’s own level of gossip and politics. But the bottom line is, I’m pretty much the CEO of my project, interesting people come in and out, and that keeps me busy and engaged. I hope that’s what my friend means, by me being a Remodeling Mom.

My dark side tells me that what it could mean is that I’m not an active member of Las Madres, don’t have organized play dates to the zoo, am not baking gluten-free, sugar free cookies, nor am up to date on the latest parenting philosophies or pedatric alternative healthcare buzz. Not to mention his birthday is coming up in less than a month and nothing has been planned. If my kid turns out to be some weirdo, we’ll blame the Remodel of 2007. But that’s just the dark side talking…or is it?

This was cross posted to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Summer camp mommy anxiety

There are exactly 4 school days left before summer vacation is officially here. My kids can't wait - swimming, camping, sleeping in and popsicles, what can be better?

This will be my first summer as a pseudo-SAHM and frankly, I'm a little nervous. I signed my son up for a whole bunch of camps when I was working full time knowing that I would need the childcare. I now have a spreadsheet of the various camps (sports, tech, swim and outdoor science), times, locations, friend whom he is attending with and the carpool situation. It is color-coded and nothing short of an organizational masterpiece! It's a Summer Camp Super-Matrix! Okay, that was then, now I am worried that I over programmed him and that he needs more downtown. Ugh! Does a mommy ever win?

I'm sure he'll have fun, but what happened to the days of summer of MY youth. I grew up poor, well not six people in a room poor. But we never went on lavish vacations or went to summer camp. My parents grew up in the Philippines - summer camp? When you are not working on a farm or in school, you go to the beach, stay inside and hang out. So what did I spend my childhood summers doing? You know it, we stayed inside our one air-conditioned room during the heat of the day and then spent the rest of the day in the New York city streets. We played stickball in the street, kick the can, and opened up the fire hydrant. The rule was " come home when the street lights come on". Wow, imagine raising your kids today with that freedom?? It sounds like a cliché now, doesn't it? Wow, I sound old.

As a child, I never knew any different. I thought camp was a thing rich kids, the Paris Hilton's of the world- got to go to somewhere in the woods. It was not something for normal kids, much less kids whose parents never even heard of summer camp. I'm sure this summer will be great. I suppose margaritas help...and getting to watch my kids enjoy the opportunities I never had.

As the song goes, "It's summertime and the living is easy...” especially with the aid of my summer camp super-matrix. I hope its worth the effort.

Top 10 Reasons I’m jealous of women who work

This post evolved from a comment that I was writing for a post on the mommy wars on the Silicon Valley Moms Blog. Even though I had already commented, I just couldn’t help myself--I had to comment again, especially after reading other people’s commentary and the recent I Surrender post.

At the risk of pouring fuel on the fire, I thought I'd share a rarely articulated perspective in the mommy wars. Even though I made the SAHM choice (and would still make that choice today), here's 10 reasons I find myself envious of women who work outside the home:

1. At some point during the day you can go to the bathroom by yourself.

2. Your probably clean your house less because it's not getting messed up all day when your kid is at daycare. Or maybe you have a nanny and she cleans for you.

3. For the same reason above, you probably create less garbage (at home anyway) and don't have to pay for a bigger garbage cart for all those diapers.

4. You get to exercise your brain.

5. You have a reason to buy nice clothes.

6. You can call in sick and leave your kid in day care and have the day to nurture yourself (or go to the Blake Lewis Parade as one of my friends did).

7. You get to eat lunch with other adults and have adult conversations.

8. You probably at some point in your commute spend time in the car alone and can listen to something other than kid’s music, like hard rock or Howard Stern.

9. You haven’t compromised your career by opting out of the workforce.

10. You get PAID.

Having read this in review, I probably come across as a little bitter. I don’t know if it’s that or if it’s just that the grass is ALWAYS greener. We give up a lot for our children whether we stay home, work outside the home, or fall somewhere in between.