The mom of THAT kid.

It happened today. I become THE MOM of THAT kid.

The kid at music class throwing himself on the floor in tantrums. The kid ruining sweet lullaby time with whiny demands. The kid at the park shrieking like a pterodactyl because he wants to go down the slide, but doesn’t want other kids to line up behind him. The kid with alligator tears running down his face and snot dripping from his nose.

The mom who sighs in desperation. The mom who watches the kid writhe in the bark under the swings while calmly (or so it seems) drinking her grande-two-pump-soy-no whip-cinnamon dolce latte. The mom that EVERYONE is staring at, thinking does she give him too much sugar? Does he not get enough sleep? What is her problem?

Well, he’s 22-months-old. The twos are approaching. They don’t call them terrible for nothing, I guess. As he falls asleep on the ride home, I call my husband. “We need to take some parenting classes or read some books, cause I’m about to quit this job.”

A Dream Come True

I have great news to report: The sippy cup of my dreams exists!!! The Nalgene Grip-N-Gulp (NGG) is everything that I had hoped and imagined a few months ago. I love the description of the bottle on the company's official website:

"We’ve taken on Everest. Now we’re ready for toddlers! Nalgene containers have stood up to some of the worlds most extreme conditions. Small potatoes compared to small children. The new Nalgene Grip'n Gulp™ is tough enough to survive being thrown from a moving minivan, spill proof enough to compel parents to blame the rug stains on the dog, and odor proof enough to allow leftover milk to go undetected under the couch for months. Most importantly, its a great way for little kids to reach new heights."

The first time I spotted the NGG it was in the cupholder of an SUV parked at Jeeper's school. A few weeks later we were brunching with friends and they gave one to Jeep to use for slurping his apple juice. I made an admiring comment and they told us we could take it home (it was no longer needed since their youngest is a very mature six year old who is so over sippy cups). After my brief but delightful experience with this hand-me-down version, which proved to be all that Nalgene advertises, I ordered one for practically every toddler I know. I recommend you do the same. (The best price I found was the SALE price at www.campbound.com.) Happy sipping!

Power Struggle

I recently called BlogMama to propose a topic for her personal blog gratitude365… electricity.

Probably not at the top of your thanksgiving list, but I know over one million people here in the Pacific Northwest have a newfound appreciation for the juice that fuels our overhead lights, garage door openers and furnaces (and a whole slew of other luxuries). While many homes in the greater Seattle area had power restored one, two or three days after the wild wind storm the night of December 14th, we were among the unfortunate few who waited eight days in the dark and cold. Okay, we didn't exactly wait all eight days - the last two nights we stayed in a hotel, but even during those two days the trips home to pick up necessities were chilly and dim.

Living without power has many similarities to camping so the first day or two it was almost fun. During our "camping adventure" we relied heavily on our small woodstove. We used it for heat (the uneven temperatures were frustrating at times), for cooking necessities such as grilled cheese sandwiches and cowboy coffee (water and grounds thrown together into a saucepan and heated to almost boiling), and for entertainment ("Dancing Flames: the Mini-series").

But while I imagined I was Laura Ingalls-Wilder at first, I quickly tired of hauling wood and stoking fires. Those oh-so-important daily toddler routines became impossible and Jeep's moods swung wildly. We tried to be grateful knowing there are so many tougher challenges in life, but patience ran thin all around. The hard-to-penetrate-darkness was the hardest blow for me personally and I felt completely exhausted by 7:30 or 8:00 each night.

This brief challenge brought great respect for pioneers and people who suffer through disasters with losses much greater than the food in a fridge. I am ever so slightly more aware of what is truly important in life (the answer is people, not clean laundry - although clean laundry is very, very nice) and also a tiny bit more aware of all that we take for granted in our easy, electric lives. That being said, the moment the electricity came back on I ran around the house, flipped on every light, turned on the TV, played the radio, cranked up the heat, started the laundry and ran the dishwasher. Ah, the power of power!

Green Nails

As more and more of my friends, neighbors, colleagues and associates announce that they are happily expecting, I've been been reflecting on being pregnant. I've decided that my pregnancy was a hike in the gently rolling hills while motherhood is a rock-climbing adventure. In my very-average pregnancy I experienced physical, mental, emotional and spiritual changes that were life-altering, but they happened more gradually than the changes motherhood throws my way.

It is true that pregnancy offers many uncontrollable aspects (Is it a boy or girl? When and how will I go into labor?) but the baby on the inside was a little easier to control than the baby on the outside. Not that Jeep is harder or easier than your average 17 month year old. But when he was inside, even though I couldn't make him eat or sleep or play happily by himself "for a couple of minutes so Mama can go to the bathroom," it didn't really matter because he was inside and I could usually manage to eat or sleep or go to the bathroom in peace. Of course I knew that once my baby arrived I wouldn't be able to eat or sleep or use the bathroom the same way I did before. But having a child has changed the way I do those things as well as every single other thing in my life. And at the same time that I'm trying to operate my life in a whole new way, I'm in an intense relationship with a fascinating person who changes even more quickly than I do - my son.

Today when I picked Jeeper up from his Montessori school, I noticed that he had splotches of green on his hands and under his fingernails. I got a lump in my throat because that green paint residue was a quick and clear reminder that he isn't a baby anymore. He walks and runs and talks on the phone and plays jokes and operates the velcro on his shoes and expresses himself creatively with art supplies. Sure he still wears diapers, nurses and cries sometimes, but make no mistake, he is rappelling his way right into kid-town. And I'm just along for the wonderful and wild ride.

Play dates and friendships to last a lifetime

This past Thanksgiving was wonderful. We had family in town for part of the week and then went to visit with my husband’s “adopted” family for an evening. His- now OUR, “adopted” family are folks that John has known since high school. He and his best friend, Mike played soccer together, went on double dates for school dances, house boat trips and even went to the same college. Our families are intertwined- so many of our best memories involve not only Mike, but his parents, siblings and other family members and now our children. My children even call Mike “tio” and his father, “papa”. Mike’s wife is our son’s godmother. What a gift for us all to have such an extended family.

I bring this all up because I wonder who will be that family for my kids. Who will be willing to pick them up and take them to camp? Who would be willing to give them rides to tournaments and amusement parks? Who will be willing to share the load of raising them and ensuring that they are compassionate, courageous and good citizens? Who will treat them like one of their own?

C has had three play date in the last few weeks, families that are great and all completely different. I wonder if I’ll be sharing margarita’s with any of these mom’s one day as our families camp for the week.

We’ve been fortunate to have a group of families with kids of similar ages that we share a lot of adventures with. But WE, the adults, chose each other. I joke about how we really like each other but are really simply insuring a future prom date for my son, by being friends with folks who have girls! It will be interesting to see whom my son and daughter choose as friends and which ones last a life time. It has been a gift for my husband and I and one, I hope, they will have the privilege of having as well.

Childhood Obsessions

Sorry Ladies, for being so out of touch lately - started a new job that has been a shock to my family's system on many fronts - I'll blog about that later. Today I've been musing about my children's obsessions and how they have developed over the years. For my eldest, it started with anything Thomas the Train or Toy Story, then moved to dinosaurs, followed by anything Pokemon and Yu GiOh! . Lately it has anything to do with Star Wars, video games and soccer - the "three" most important things in the world to him. His obsessions have led me to do a crash course on the differences between dinosaurs, searching high and low for a train conductors hat and learning the finer points of purchasing soccer cleats. I think he is a collector at heart –even had a “dirty nail” collection, until I found it and had to quickly get rid of that one…

With my daughter, at the wise old age of 3 - going on 13, she has started briskly with anything Dora the Explorer. While, she loves anything having to do with the Little Einstein's, her latest obsession is anything with a PRINCESS! Wow, has Disney got our number!

She has a bathing suit that she loves – green with tule and sparkles (a gift from a family friend). “Very Princess-like” according to K. She LIVED in it ALL summer. I found it in the back of the closet yesterday. It’s straps were worn and it had some kind of punch or jello stain along the front. I was headed to the trash can, when K immediately saw me and asked to put it on. (It is like 55 degrees here in San Jose!) I relented, I guess that is why we have indoor heating.

So we were at church today and K needed to go to the bathroom; so what did I discover underneath her Sunday dress? You got it – the green bathing suit! Some obsessions never die.

I will miss them!

Determined

What is that quality in someone where they are so set to get what they want that nothing stands in their way? Dogged determination is a phrase that comes to mind - and then I actually think of a dog in saying that. You know how a dog can just clamp his jaw down on something and not let go? Or think of a record, with a huge scratch, and the needle just keeps hitting that same phrase over and over (and over!) again. Yes, this is in reference to my child. My way of handling it? Distraction - no, the child looks at me like, "you've got to be kidding, mom" and just continues with the request, idea, desire, etc. Sometimes I do explain the situation, and why what he NEEDS at that very moment canot happen. Oh, this child has perfected the use of "I need to", "I have to", and all other forms of that same phrase, and has become adept at repeating the phrase over and over, all while I'm trying to talk to him. Very much akin to someone clamping their hands over their ears and yelling, "I can't hear you." while you're talking. Tonight it was about story-time. (Prior to what I'm sharing I had to spend 5 minutes repeatedly carrying him back to his bed after he'd scamper out and demand that he sleep in our bed.) Now, because he was not cooperating with getting his pajamas on, he was told very clearly that the consequence was no story. He knew that is what I had stated. However, he still saw fit to ask for, and then begin demanding that he get his story, no less than 10 times. I would think the issue was put to bed, so to speak, and I'd say 'goodnight', give him a kiss and leave the room. He'd call "mommy", I'd go back in and we'd repeat the same conversation. (I didn't go in the room 10 times, but he requested his story at least 3 - 4 times per visit.) I deal with his determination in some way, shape or form each and every day. It's not like I say "no" to something and he whines, or cries, or sulks - he just comes back at me, again, and again. I guess he's determined to break me? Or he's thinking, "oh, the answer was 'no' just a minute ago, but now it might be 'yes' - I best try again." I don't give in folks - really, I don't. If there are any jobs out there that are well-suited for this skill - please let me know. Maybe it's his way of closing out his 3rd year. It's been a doozy, folks, and maybe it's going out with a bang. I'm just praying that this situation, and so many others, gets better once he's 4. But, then I'll have a whole new bag of traits, skills, & tactics that come with being 4. Someday this trait of his will serve him well, but in the meantime, I best get some rest and get ready for whatever tomorrow, and his next year of development, will bring.

At Least Paper Ballots Don’t Crash

As much as I fantasized about writing a whip-smart essay on the ballot measures and candidates and how you should vote and why, that just didn’t happen, for several reasons, but the primary one being that I’ve hardly read the paper--or anything--since my son was born. I’ve literally had my head buried in the sand.

But, I DID VOTE, after “cramming” the last few days. Yesterday, I dug the voter guide out of a ridiculously high stack of catalogs and magazines, which have also gone unread. Today, I read the local paper, but really only the Endorsement Roundup on the op-ed page. I had a brief discussion of the issues with my husband, who is very much more political than I, having worked for the Clinton administration, but who also is struggling to be on top of things this year.

Having a kid has just turned our lives upside down. That being said we went to the polls after burgers and mac-n-cheese at Mojo Burger . We thought we’d tag team Ry and this would be easy. Not so. We arrived at 7 pm and STOOD IN LINE FOR AN HOUR. Not because of the crowds of people rushing to get their last minute vote in, but because the voting machines were out of order. Although five machines were set up, only three were working and by the time we got to the front of the line, only two were working! It was sheer torture waiting our turn with a 15-month-old ready for bed. Meanwhile, we stared at the precinct across the room, zipping through their line with their five WORKING machines.

Although I found the actual act of electronic voting to be easy, intuitive, and efficient, paper ballots don’t crash and don’t require the “expert” in the room to get them up and running again. I can’t believe they didn’t even offer the choice—or back-up—of paper ballots. Before this evening, I had these grandiose notions that we’d create this voting tradition with our son going to the polls and hopefully he’d look forward to the day that he too would be able participate. Unfortunately I think that I’ll be voting absentee from now on, unless they come up with secure servers so we can vote from home online.

My Halloween History

Halloween is not my favorite holiday. When I was a kid, my mom made some great handmade outfits for my brothers and me (she was a 4-H sewing champ) and I've always been pretty crazy for sweets so it seems like I would be a fan. However, I am w-i-m-p-y about all things scary so the whole haunted side of the holiday gives me the creeps. When I do celebrate, I carve happy Jack-o-lanterns, choose cheery costumes and prefer to skip the cobwebs, tombstones and werewolf howls.

I remember being excited for the Halloween haunted house at my elementary school. The teachers warned us that once we started to go through, we had to finish. There would be no early exits; no exceptions. I stepped through the door, heard the spooky music and immediately started bawling. I cried so hard they quickly made an exception to their "no exception" policy. No more haunted houses for me. I've never watched a horror movie and could only bear to watch Michael Jackson's Thriller video with one eye open. I'm a fan of The Simpsons and I faithfully TiVo each new show, but I'm not recording this week's annual "Treehouse of Horror" episode since I can't even handle scary cartoons.

In addition to the creep factor, Halloween ranks low on my holiday list because I don't enjoy dressing up. Some people love the challenge of creating a costume, but I don't! I never come up with very good ideas and then I just fret. Will I be uncomfortable? Will I be too dressed up? Or worse, not dressed up enough? Like the year I came to work as a gardener and no one even noticed that I was in costume. Because it is so common to wear overalls, a straw hat and galoshes to the office. Nevermind that I had my hair in pigtails and a spade in my front pocket. Argh.

When we moved into our house a few years ago, I started to get a little more excited for Halloween. It is fun to hand out candy and see the neighborhood cuties all dressed up (even though the doorbell rings only about 5 times thanks to the dark, rainy October nights here in Seattle). Last year we stayed in, dressed four-month old Jeeper in Halloween themed pajamas and answered the door. No stressful creative costuming and nothing scary. My perfect "all-hallows eve."

Jeep loves dogs, so this year I got him a puppy costume and made plans with a friend to take our babes to University Village for trick-or-treating. I told myself I was doing the right thing for the photo album and then prepared for some twoodler (like tween) fits of frustration. When one of my colleagues wished Jeep "lots of fun" on Halloween I responded with the observation that Halloween isn't exactly fun for one year olds. Not that it is torture, but fun for a one year old is a familiar place (like home) and an enthusiastic audience (especially one that will clap, cheer, sing and rough-house). Fun isn't big crowds, sitting for photos, wearing a weird hood or being urged to put treats in a basket.

I was right, Jeeper didn't burst into grins or giggles at any point during our Halloween adventures. He tolerated his hood, carefully observed all the commotion and took his treat taking very seriously. But what surprised me, in addition to his good behavior, was how much fun I had! The cool autumn air, the energy of all the families, the ease of a being with a good friend and the cuteness of my son together with the sugar high from a few mini candy bars made me into one happy Halloween mama. I'm already looking forward to celebrating Halloween as a family in the future. Just as long as I don't have to wear a costume any time soon.

Happy Halloween!

Tonight was the first of many Halloween memories to come in our new home in our new neighborhood. Ry was joined by his friend Audrey and his cousin Megan (and chaperones) for a night on the town. We headed to the "best street" in the neighborhood for some serious action.

Blog Mama meets Elizabeth Edwards

Yes, that’s me in this picture with Elizabeth Edwards, yes as in the wife of former vice presidential candidate John Edwards (as a feminist with identity issues I shouldn’t be describing her that way, but I did it anyway). She’s written a book: Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers. As part of her book tour, I had the amazing chance along with 14 other bloggers from the Silicon Valley Moms Blog to sit down and talk with her last Tuesday.

For those of you who don’t know much about her, you can read her bio on the Senator’s web site, but what you won’t read here is how her oldest son died at age 17 in a no-drinking, no-drugs car crash (the wind blew his Jeep over and it burst into flames) or that she underwent fertility treatments to start a second family and her third child was born when she was age 48 and her fourth at 50! More widely known is that she was diagnosed with breast cancer the day after the general election in 2004.

She’s been on my mind quite a bit the last week, and I wrote a couple posts for the Silicon Valley Mom’s Blog that included references to our meeting: What I didn’t Ask Elizabeth Edwards and Other Random Thoughts (like how I picked my outfit that day) and Six Feet Tall and Bullet Proof (how meeting her is helping me put my role as provider/protecter into perspective). As you’ll see in these posts, I really find her to be an inspiration--as a mother, writer, career-minded women, and supportive wife--and am looking forward to reading Saving Graces.

Tea Tangent

I need to rant about tea today. Tea doesn't have much to do with being a mama except that I am a mother and I really like tea. I'm having a hard time readily find good tea and I'm ticked.

Let me clarify a few details. First of all, I like iced tea best. Fresh, crisp, clear cold tea with lots of ice -- ALL YEAR ROUND. People drink cold water, iced sodas and frozen frapp-a-doodle drinks so I don't want sassy comments about my preference for cold tea. Secondly, I like my tea UNsweetened. I don't care if other people want to add aspartame or sugar, but I believe that tea should be available in it's pure plain brewed form and additions should be optional.

Seattle is a coffee town and tea lovers are treated like second-class citizens. I'm shocked by the poor quality tea I have been served; no coffee drinker would accept coffee that is 3 days old, bitter and murky so why do restraunteurs and baristas assume that treatment is okay for a tea customer?! And enough with "fountain tea." That stuff is NOT tea - it is nasty yuck and should be banned. Again, would you drink your coffee from a spout on the coke machine? Noooo, I didn't think so.

Good tea is pretty easy. Take some decent tea leaves and cover them with really hot water. Serve as is or cool slowly and add ice. The end. Not difficult. At work I often buy fountain cups filled with ice and pour my own brewed tea over the ice to make delicious, fresh iced tea. But I shouldn't have to carry my own tea bags as I go about town! Starbucks offers an iced black tea all year round, but when I order it, I have to specify no syrup (which of course I do) and more than once I've taken a big slurp a few miles from the drive-through only to taste the tell-tale slickery sweetness of sugary syrup. Ugh.

When in Chicago for work recently, I fell in love with ArgoTea, a local tea cafe that is hoping to become the "Starbucks of Tea". I'm thinking of writing them a letter about opening in Seattle - maybe I'll promise them I'll run their first store here. Until then, I'll keep scouting out places that offer a decent glass of iced tea. And I think I'll tuck some tea bags in my purse… just in case!

The Great Orator

As many of you have heard before my son, C, is in the second grade. He is a great kid. He is kind, a good friend to many other boys and great soccer player. Geez, I’m mom-gushing! Anyway, at school he is taking a public speaking class. He is a shy boy in many ways, so this class has been awesome for him. (I remember him crying at the pre-school circle time, when his teacher asked his name.) He now has no problem speaking in front of his peers and he is quite the orator! He’s done speeches on his favorite family tradition, his hero and his favorite toy – stuff he can talk hours about.

This week’s speech is on his “greatest accomplishment”. As his mom and #1 fan, I can name a million, like the time he stood up for his best friend, when other kids were being mean or the time he got moved up a grade because he was such a good reader or the time he scored his first soccer goal….of course, I could go on and on. But in preparing for this particular speech, he, of course, could not think of one thing that he was most proud of.

Maybe I am just over analyzing this, but a ton of “experts” say that some of the most important things we can teach our kids are “self-worth and thinking critically”. What does this really look like? Having your child be able to discern how great he is- Without the benefit of looking through mom’s “rose-colored” glasses? How do we instill a sense of positive identity in second graders? I used to work at this great non-profit that talked a lot about positive child development. http://www.projectcornerstone.org/html/assets/index.htm I led parent groups and workshops about this exact topic, but it is always different when they are YOUR kids, right? Well no it isn’t but, it is different when the issue confronts you at home at the kitchen table. I guess you take the knowledge you’ve learned and put on your best mommy hat and then do your best.

C is set to talk about his greatest accomplishment this Friday. He threw ALL my great ideas aside and decided that his greatest accomplishment was winning a board game a few weeks ago. Our family played a game, boys against girls, and my husband and C won! (Easy considering, my partner is 3 year old!:) Just kidding.) Despite all my worries, I’m proud that he chose something that was a family tradition and that he found joy in something I had already even forgotten about. What a great reminder that it IS those small things and the random moments that mean the world to our children!

It's beginning to sound alot like...the holidays!

Can you feel it? The holidays are right around the corner…Halloween, Christmas, and my personal favorite, Thanksgiving. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. I LOVE the idea of giving gifts, but hate how commercial it is and how much it costs me in the end. I have only great memories of going door to door collecting candy from my neighbors at Halloween, I HATE that costumes today can cost a fortune and that now I am a MOM that has to worry about my kids actually eating ALL that candy.

Regardless, Halloween is here and we finally decorated our front porch. This week after much badgering from the kids, I broke down and pulled out the decorations. I forget how much fun it is each year. We hung ghosts from the trees and put three huge pumpkins out front. The kids tried on the old costumes and put the pretzels, mini toys and of course, candy, we bought in a big bowl.

One thing I love about our neighborhood is that there are a lot of kids on our street. So with ours being the first decorated house on the street, we had kids from all over stopping to check it out. We had parents cruise by with the “Darn, I guess it’s our turn to pull out the old bins of decorations next” look. Being the newest family on the block, we had folks stop by and tell us tales of the Halloween’s past on the street.

In our old neighborhood, we had years where we had 2-4 sets of kids stop by. For a while, I thought everyone had abandoned the Halloween of my youth and headed for the mall. It was a huge disappointment for us with 4 bags of chocolate ready to be handed out by an excited pre-schooler and mommy! Thank goodness, I only buy candy I like to eat.

Our new neighbors tell us that several of our neighbors go all out with their Halloween displays and that we have scores of kids so that we better prepare at least 200 pieces of candy. As expensive as that sounds – this is the reason we moved to this over priced Silicon Valley neighborhood – kids galore and families ready to join in on the fun. Idyllic sounding, picture perfect, worth the effort – a lot of trips to the door. You bet! We can’t wait! Bring on the Holidays!

The Sippy Cup of My Dreams

Okay, so there is a ton of baby gear out there and some I like, some I love and lots I could do without. But lately I've been dreaming of a couple of things that, as far as I can tell, do not yet exist. So I'm calling all savvy parents and/or you inventor types to help me get my hands on two imaginary items.

The perfect bib
I believe that infants and toddlers learn a lot from food. The journey from tray/plate/bowl to mouth is an educational one that develops the mind and many motor skills in addition to the palate. But it is also one of the messiest adventures ever! And most bibs are not up to the challenge. The perfect bib must be:

Big enough to cover the mess. I'm not sure I want long sleeves, but I'm tired of gaping neck holes and barely-to-the-bellybutton coverage. If I have to change his clothes after he eats, then why am I bothering with the bib?

Repellent or at least resistant to liquid. Many bibs keep chunks of food at bay, but still allow liquid to soak through. Those bibs may save me a few stain-fighting seconds, but I still have to spend way too many minutes changing his clothes and washing the wet ones! Not good enough.

Easy to wash and dry. Although I might consider one that rinses under the tap, the perfect bib can be tossed in the washer and dryer (and still repel liquids). Another feature that is affected by wash-ability is the bib closure. Velcro can be quick, but it doesn't hold up very well in the wash so I would prefer a button, snap or tie closure.

Small, light and hip. Babies eat everywhere so a bib needs to be portable and packable. And a cartoon character print or cutesy-cute won't do. The perfect bib works well and looks cool.

The perfect cup
Sippy cups have saved the sanity of many parents. At my son's Montessori daycare, they teach the babies to drink from tiny tumblers which is so adorable and very amazing but the reality is sometimes a kid needs to drink on the road. So the sippy cup of my dreams would:

Be easy to drink from but not leak! Okay, so I learned the difference between sippy and tippy and Jeeper has the sippy kind so they shouldn't leak, right? Wrong! Even if they don't leak out of the spout, they leak out of the screw-on top. I'm tired of wet seats, laps and diaper bags. Argh!

Not have a handle, but still be easy to hold. I especially loathe the kind with the removable handle because it is one more thing to lose. But there should be some shape or curve that makes it easy for little fingers to grip.

Keep the drink tasting good. This is my hugest gripe. Grab your little one's sippy and take a good long swig. You'll join my revolution! That foul, plastic taste does not seem healthy.

Now that you know how I spend my spare moments imagining improvements to baby gear, I'm hoping someone out there has recommendations that will make my dreams come true!

Grocery Store Challenged

Since we're on the topic of money, I thought I'd share one of my challenges with spending more than necessary - at the grocery store. Whenever I read something like "Top 10 Tips for Saving Cash" in a magazine, always included is the advice to make a list when going to the store. I make the list. In fact I usually have to make lists three times a week. I seem to be grocery store challenged. Even with the list, I still end up needing to go back to the store 3 or more times a week! This can't be good for the budget. You know the saying, 'I can't get out of Target without spending less than $100', well for me it's the grocery store, and each little trip seems to be at least $50. Not only is there the money I spend in the store, but the time and gas used to go back to the store each time. Now, part of the challenge is that we have a goal these days of eating lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. To achieve this goal, I also spend some time at the local farmers market, too, but fresh fruit and veggies only stay fresh so long. Inevitably another store trip is needed to get the next 3 day supply. I've tried the weekly menu thing, but our schedule seems to be a bit up in the air each week. The times when I do a BIG shopping trip with absolutely everything we'd need for 7 days worth of meals, plans end up changing, we don't eat at our own home (or my husband has a business dinner) and food goes to waste. I think the only thing that bugs me more than making too many grocery store runs and overspending is wasting food.

I don't really have a resolution for my challenge at this point. I did just read about buying home supplies on Amazon . . . I don't even know yet what they offer (but I've heard diapers are available - cheap, too) but I think I'll check it out. If I can keep my grocery store runs down to 2 a week and then maybe get most of my Target-like purchases online, I'll save gas money for sure. (And because we're Amazon Prime members, we should get free shipping on our orders.) Well, I'll have to post an update on all this in a week or so. If anyone has any other cost cutting ideas, please feel free to send them my way. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to get to the grocery store. I'm trying not to freak-out since I was just there . . . . yesterday.

My Bipolar Relationship with Money

The Silicon Valley Moms Blog, hosted "Money Thursday" yesterday. Here's a "reprint" of my post there.

I’ve always had a complex relationship with money. I spent the first six years of my life in Los Altos Hills (very affluent Silicon Valley Neighborhood). Then we moved to a remote Idaho ranch outside a town with a population of 450 (yes, four hundred and fifty) and my parents built a 10,000 square foot house. I was the “rich girl” whose peers often asked, “Is it true you have twenty telephones and an indoor swimming pool?” At school, most kids qualified for free or subsidized lunch tickets—I was odd because I paid full price. Most parents were loggers or cowboys or were supported entirely by welfare. I spent my entire adolescence being ashamed of money. I wanted to be like everyone else.

That wish came true my senior year of high school. My parents declared bankruptcy and I too, qualified for free lunch tickets. That gave me some level of sick satisfaction. Their bankruptcy also helped me quality for a huge financial aid package at Pepperdine University, which brought me to Malibu, and a complete role reversal. I wore Wranglers and drove a Ford Festiva while my suitemates wore designer jeans and cruised around in BMWs. I was now the charity case. Being accustomed to a life of not having to do without, and the fact that my parents had no money to help me through school, I graduated with $20,000 in credit card debt. It took me hundreds of tuna sandwiches, four years, and an arrangement with consumer credit counseling to pay it off, which wasn’t easy on my first salaried job.

So, ten years later, what have I learned? That I still have a bipolar relationship with money. I probably spend more than I should. Yet, sometimes, I find myself embarrassed to have what I have (a decent home in Silicon Valley with an SUV parked in front). I have a lot of excess compared to most people in the world, but compared to my zip code, I’m likely near the bottom rung. I’m not really envious of anyone with more money than I. I know from my childhood that having excess money has it’s own set of responsibilities and headaches. And, most everyone has problems, if not financial, then perhaps something worse, like health concerns or estranged relationships.

I’m blessed to have a wonderful husband who is healthier with money than I. We also have a kid not only to support, but to also set an example for—I don’t want him to learn the hard way like I did. So I guess I still need to spend some time clearing the skeletons from my wallet.

Checking, Savings, Trade School, Taxes

Although Jeep is only 15 months old, he receives an allowance. He has been getting a weekly allowance since two pink stripes displayed on a certain plastic stick. It isn’t that he has a trust fund or inheritance or that we have buckets of money – I just knew it would be a good idea to start a healthy money habit early.

Jeeper gets one dollar a week. In quarters. I put one quarter in each of the antique Bell jars that I bought when I was pregnant. The quarters aren’t for decoration although they do sparkle in their glass banks. I use quarters because it makes the math easier. You see, I distribute his allowance into four accounts: Checking, Savings, Trade School and Taxes. The money is for Jeep – and it is his to spend – within the boundaries of each account.

Checking is the NOW money. The “gum in the checkout line” or “poorly-made, over-priced toy in the gift shop” money. As soon as Jeeper’s brain can handle the logic of demand and supply, he can spend the money in his checking account as quickly or slowly as he likes. But he will also learn that Mama and Daddy won’t buy the gum or the toy for him (I can’t guarantee that Grandma/Grandpa or Nana/Papa will follow suit) so he will have to make his own choices and live with them.

Savings is the PRETTY SOON money. I don’t know yet if little Jeep will have a “burning a hole in my pocket” or a “miserly moneybags” mindset. Either way, to spend the money from the savings account he will need to check in with an advisor to get the purchase approved. The advisor’s role isn’t to talk him into or out of a purchase, but to be a touch point that reminds him of what he truly wants and values. Hopefully the savings account will produce many coveted toys and treasures while also teaching the sweet, sweet satisfaction of delayed gratification.

The Trade School account’s purpose is to make a dent in a future EDUCATIONAL endeavor. 25 cents a week won’t pay for books so we plan to supplement this account as we are able. Most likely and somewhat hopefully the future beneficiary of these funds will be the undergraduate tuition bill from a college or university. But the money is Jeeper’s to use for culinary school or a welding certification program or art school or an ESL certificate program in Spain or six years of community college courses or a PhD or whatever he chooses to pursue.

Earlier I wrote that Jeep’s allowance is for him and that he gets to spend it but that isn’t the whole truth because he has a jar for TAXES. We aren’t handing the fourth quarter over to Uncle Sam. The money in the final jar will be spent by our family (with Jeeper’s equal input) to benefit our home and our community. Family activities can be funded from this account (although repeated trips to Disneyland will be excluded) as are charitable contributions. One small way to remind him that with money comes a responsibility beyond yourself.

As Jeep gets older, I plan to increase his allowance to match his age. One dollar a week for each year lived, with ¼ still deposited into each account. The idea isn’t to fund Harvard tuition or pay for his first car, but to help him develop healthy spending and savings habits while fostering independence and freedom. One shiny quarter at a time.

Kitchen Bitch or Sexpot?

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve blogged, it’s not that I haven’t had anything to say, it’s just that it’s hard to sit at the computer when you’re still looking for basics, like toothpaste and clean underwear. Not only is moving a bitch, but also it’s also turning me into one. I told D just the other night that stay-home moms should be called “house bitches” because that’s exactly how I feel—bitchy. Now everyone throw your flipping appalled comments my way. And if you want to get really fired up, read Details Magazine's, Sexpots in the Kitchen, which I came across today in the chiropractor's office with the following tagline on the cover: "Why women should stay in the Kitchen."

Anyway, moving on to something more reverent:

In the spirit of CrissCreek’s recent post Toy’s Aren’t Us, Po Bronson’s essay in Time, on Baby Einstein v. Barbie was rather enlightening to me on what most of America is like outside of my life in Silicon Valley. I like his term, “Supermom lit” and the fact that he’s calling it out. I’m realizing what a sucker I am for the next hot title marketed especially to me—a generation-X-yuppie-mom who “consults,” paid way to much for a fixer-upper in San Jose, and owns every Baby Einstein DVD (it was a gift, though).

Speaking of my house… I’ve been over to the condo a couple times this week and I find myself missing it. It was so much easier to clean, it was warmer, cozier, and we made a ton of memories there. Would I be the craziest person in the world to move back??? Maybe I need to have a detachment ceremony so that the universe will send someone new to love it. If you have any suggestions on that front let me know. One cool thing that happened is that I pitched “our story” to Mercury News Reporter Sue McAllister and she posted it on her real estate blog. Gotta love blogs.

For the love of Money and Star Wars...

We have been working on teaching my kids the value of money; pretty hard sometimes in this day and age. Often times, when we are talking about something that the kids want – like McDonald’s or a new toy, the kids beg and plea. My typical response has been, “We can’t, we don’t have any money for that.” The smarties that they are, they’ve come up with a new response, “Yes, we we have money mama – we can use the credit card.” Aah!, if it were just that easy. I’d use that logic every time I cruise by a shoe store!

Regardless, we have instituted many measures to address money – allowances, piggy banks, paid chores…with more regularity and as the kids grow older I am hoping these will work to show my kids there is no limitless credit card at our household.

This weekend, my son, showed J and I, that we have made some strides. My son LOVES anything Star Wars, Legos and video games. This week the Star Wars 2 Legos video game came out. Last year for his birthday we bought him Version One. I used to think he was too little for games, so thought the Legos version would be a good compromise from the ones geared towards teens and adults. I had no idea how much he and J would love them. (Yes, I was SO naïve.) Actually, I am not sure who enjoyed the game more, J or my son.

Anyway, so C saw the ‘Coming soon” ad and of course, anxiously awaited the date. The moment it came out, J and C, looked on line to find the best deal. They found it at Target. C immediately went to his piggy bank and counted out the $30.00 he would need to bring Darth Vader home. It was mostly quarters, so they neatly put it all in plastic baggies. So all week, C looked forward to Friday – the BIG day! (I didn’t make the trek, but J relayed this experience – like the proud daddy that he was.)

They get to Target, they head to the video games section and find that it is one of the few remaining – whew! The store is about to close, so they hurry to the register. The cashier was a young man, who must have remembered his first time buying a game or a toy, so he kindly referred to C as “sir” and treated him with the respect any “official paying customer” should expect. C, of course, did not know whom the cashier was referring to when was called, “sir”. The cashier told him the amount due and took his baggie of quarters and said, “Thank you Sir, hope you enjoy your purchase and have a good evening.” C, sheepishly said, “Thank you and I will!” C and J ran home and immediately loaded it on the computer. Haven’t seen them for hours!

C’s piggy bank is a whole lot lighter. He has already asked about what chores he can do to earn more money. But he gets that you have to earn it or at least save money to get what you want – score one for mom and dad!

On another note:
I also thank the universe for the cashier, who was kind and respectful to my child! This was one of those moments he’ll always remember. Target probably has earned a lifelong loyal customer in C.