I previously posted the following on the Silicon Valley Mom’s Blog and received quite a flurry of comments including: “Y'all just reminded me of Robert Altman's movie "Short Cuts," in which a young mom is trying to run a phone sex business while feeding and taking care of her toddler.” Interesting. I hadn’t thought of that one. Would probably pay pretty well. Don’t you think? Now onto the post: I really appreciated Lucy’s post (Lucy is a fellow SV Mom Blogger). I too, in my writing here want to focus more on moms--not necessarily mothering issues, but more about adjusting to and being a mom and an individual. I appreciated Lucy for absolving me of the guilt. And, she’s inspired me to write about something that’s been festering for a couple days:
On my Lock up your Apples post, I mentioned that my days of working in an office were rose-colored, which related more to why I’m resentful of my husband’s job at times and less to my desire to work. But a commenter wrote, “So why don't you hire some help and work part time?”
This rubs me the wrong way for a couple reasons. First it assumes things about me that may or may not be true (1. that I don’t work 2. that I want to work) and felt a little dismissive about my resentful feelings toward my husband’s job, which is really more like me resenting his position in society. My career is significantly compromised because I chose to be a mom whether I work or not. My taking a part-time job (or even a full time job for that matter) is not going to fix those feelings. I also used the term “rose colored” in my original post, meaning that now, working seems cooler than it really was—the grass is always greener, as Seattle Sun pointed out last month.
I—like every other mom—am just trying to find the right balance and one of the things that keeps coming up is that there is very, very, little external validation for being a mom. And by suggesting that “I get a part-time job,” this fellow mom reinforced the belief that the only way to feel good about what you do is to work.
The truth is, I do work, when I want to, which lately isn’t very often. It’s nice that I have that kind of flexibility. But even still, because the daily demands are so high, that in order for me to do this work, I would have no down time, ever. The reality is, I’d rather just be with my kid, but that’s very hard for me to do because I’m such a sucker for external validation. I just wish our society could see how important mothering is and reward me for it (read my post on wanting the nanny’s job).
You can read all the commentary on the original post here.
2 comments:
Hear, hear! ALL moms need validation and rewards. What I want to know is what are some concrete ways we can request, fight for and create a more appreciative and fair environment for moms? Mom-of-the-year award contests are not the answer.
I say, if you can swing it, hire part-time help to buy time to EAT with another adult. Eating a complete meal and being able to finish sentences is someting I'm REALLY missing lately.
As a working mom, I rarely have relaxing lunches - I'm usually cramming down food at my desk trying to get more done b/c I have to come in later and leave earlier due to daycare. Through my rose-colored glasses I see the husbands getting the dreamy perks.
MOPS: Mothers Of PreSchoolers is awesome. They address all of this and more and allow for great breaks from the kiddos. I've been going to/helping with MOPS groups since my oldest was tiny. I love it. Check out www.mops.org for more info and a group near you.
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