Play dates and friendships to last a lifetime

This past Thanksgiving was wonderful. We had family in town for part of the week and then went to visit with my husband’s “adopted” family for an evening. His- now OUR, “adopted” family are folks that John has known since high school. He and his best friend, Mike played soccer together, went on double dates for school dances, house boat trips and even went to the same college. Our families are intertwined- so many of our best memories involve not only Mike, but his parents, siblings and other family members and now our children. My children even call Mike “tio” and his father, “papa”. Mike’s wife is our son’s godmother. What a gift for us all to have such an extended family.

I bring this all up because I wonder who will be that family for my kids. Who will be willing to pick them up and take them to camp? Who would be willing to give them rides to tournaments and amusement parks? Who will be willing to share the load of raising them and ensuring that they are compassionate, courageous and good citizens? Who will treat them like one of their own?

C has had three play date in the last few weeks, families that are great and all completely different. I wonder if I’ll be sharing margarita’s with any of these mom’s one day as our families camp for the week.

We’ve been fortunate to have a group of families with kids of similar ages that we share a lot of adventures with. But WE, the adults, chose each other. I joke about how we really like each other but are really simply insuring a future prom date for my son, by being friends with folks who have girls! It will be interesting to see whom my son and daughter choose as friends and which ones last a life time. It has been a gift for my husband and I and one, I hope, they will have the privilege of having as well.

Childhood Obsessions

Sorry Ladies, for being so out of touch lately - started a new job that has been a shock to my family's system on many fronts - I'll blog about that later. Today I've been musing about my children's obsessions and how they have developed over the years. For my eldest, it started with anything Thomas the Train or Toy Story, then moved to dinosaurs, followed by anything Pokemon and Yu GiOh! . Lately it has anything to do with Star Wars, video games and soccer - the "three" most important things in the world to him. His obsessions have led me to do a crash course on the differences between dinosaurs, searching high and low for a train conductors hat and learning the finer points of purchasing soccer cleats. I think he is a collector at heart –even had a “dirty nail” collection, until I found it and had to quickly get rid of that one…

With my daughter, at the wise old age of 3 - going on 13, she has started briskly with anything Dora the Explorer. While, she loves anything having to do with the Little Einstein's, her latest obsession is anything with a PRINCESS! Wow, has Disney got our number!

She has a bathing suit that she loves – green with tule and sparkles (a gift from a family friend). “Very Princess-like” according to K. She LIVED in it ALL summer. I found it in the back of the closet yesterday. It’s straps were worn and it had some kind of punch or jello stain along the front. I was headed to the trash can, when K immediately saw me and asked to put it on. (It is like 55 degrees here in San Jose!) I relented, I guess that is why we have indoor heating.

So we were at church today and K needed to go to the bathroom; so what did I discover underneath her Sunday dress? You got it – the green bathing suit! Some obsessions never die.

I will miss them!

Determined

What is that quality in someone where they are so set to get what they want that nothing stands in their way? Dogged determination is a phrase that comes to mind - and then I actually think of a dog in saying that. You know how a dog can just clamp his jaw down on something and not let go? Or think of a record, with a huge scratch, and the needle just keeps hitting that same phrase over and over (and over!) again. Yes, this is in reference to my child. My way of handling it? Distraction - no, the child looks at me like, "you've got to be kidding, mom" and just continues with the request, idea, desire, etc. Sometimes I do explain the situation, and why what he NEEDS at that very moment canot happen. Oh, this child has perfected the use of "I need to", "I have to", and all other forms of that same phrase, and has become adept at repeating the phrase over and over, all while I'm trying to talk to him. Very much akin to someone clamping their hands over their ears and yelling, "I can't hear you." while you're talking. Tonight it was about story-time. (Prior to what I'm sharing I had to spend 5 minutes repeatedly carrying him back to his bed after he'd scamper out and demand that he sleep in our bed.) Now, because he was not cooperating with getting his pajamas on, he was told very clearly that the consequence was no story. He knew that is what I had stated. However, he still saw fit to ask for, and then begin demanding that he get his story, no less than 10 times. I would think the issue was put to bed, so to speak, and I'd say 'goodnight', give him a kiss and leave the room. He'd call "mommy", I'd go back in and we'd repeat the same conversation. (I didn't go in the room 10 times, but he requested his story at least 3 - 4 times per visit.) I deal with his determination in some way, shape or form each and every day. It's not like I say "no" to something and he whines, or cries, or sulks - he just comes back at me, again, and again. I guess he's determined to break me? Or he's thinking, "oh, the answer was 'no' just a minute ago, but now it might be 'yes' - I best try again." I don't give in folks - really, I don't. If there are any jobs out there that are well-suited for this skill - please let me know. Maybe it's his way of closing out his 3rd year. It's been a doozy, folks, and maybe it's going out with a bang. I'm just praying that this situation, and so many others, gets better once he's 4. But, then I'll have a whole new bag of traits, skills, & tactics that come with being 4. Someday this trait of his will serve him well, but in the meantime, I best get some rest and get ready for whatever tomorrow, and his next year of development, will bring.

At Least Paper Ballots Don’t Crash

As much as I fantasized about writing a whip-smart essay on the ballot measures and candidates and how you should vote and why, that just didn’t happen, for several reasons, but the primary one being that I’ve hardly read the paper--or anything--since my son was born. I’ve literally had my head buried in the sand.

But, I DID VOTE, after “cramming” the last few days. Yesterday, I dug the voter guide out of a ridiculously high stack of catalogs and magazines, which have also gone unread. Today, I read the local paper, but really only the Endorsement Roundup on the op-ed page. I had a brief discussion of the issues with my husband, who is very much more political than I, having worked for the Clinton administration, but who also is struggling to be on top of things this year.

Having a kid has just turned our lives upside down. That being said we went to the polls after burgers and mac-n-cheese at Mojo Burger . We thought we’d tag team Ry and this would be easy. Not so. We arrived at 7 pm and STOOD IN LINE FOR AN HOUR. Not because of the crowds of people rushing to get their last minute vote in, but because the voting machines were out of order. Although five machines were set up, only three were working and by the time we got to the front of the line, only two were working! It was sheer torture waiting our turn with a 15-month-old ready for bed. Meanwhile, we stared at the precinct across the room, zipping through their line with their five WORKING machines.

Although I found the actual act of electronic voting to be easy, intuitive, and efficient, paper ballots don’t crash and don’t require the “expert” in the room to get them up and running again. I can’t believe they didn’t even offer the choice—or back-up—of paper ballots. Before this evening, I had these grandiose notions that we’d create this voting tradition with our son going to the polls and hopefully he’d look forward to the day that he too would be able participate. Unfortunately I think that I’ll be voting absentee from now on, unless they come up with secure servers so we can vote from home online.

My Halloween History

Halloween is not my favorite holiday. When I was a kid, my mom made some great handmade outfits for my brothers and me (she was a 4-H sewing champ) and I've always been pretty crazy for sweets so it seems like I would be a fan. However, I am w-i-m-p-y about all things scary so the whole haunted side of the holiday gives me the creeps. When I do celebrate, I carve happy Jack-o-lanterns, choose cheery costumes and prefer to skip the cobwebs, tombstones and werewolf howls.

I remember being excited for the Halloween haunted house at my elementary school. The teachers warned us that once we started to go through, we had to finish. There would be no early exits; no exceptions. I stepped through the door, heard the spooky music and immediately started bawling. I cried so hard they quickly made an exception to their "no exception" policy. No more haunted houses for me. I've never watched a horror movie and could only bear to watch Michael Jackson's Thriller video with one eye open. I'm a fan of The Simpsons and I faithfully TiVo each new show, but I'm not recording this week's annual "Treehouse of Horror" episode since I can't even handle scary cartoons.

In addition to the creep factor, Halloween ranks low on my holiday list because I don't enjoy dressing up. Some people love the challenge of creating a costume, but I don't! I never come up with very good ideas and then I just fret. Will I be uncomfortable? Will I be too dressed up? Or worse, not dressed up enough? Like the year I came to work as a gardener and no one even noticed that I was in costume. Because it is so common to wear overalls, a straw hat and galoshes to the office. Nevermind that I had my hair in pigtails and a spade in my front pocket. Argh.

When we moved into our house a few years ago, I started to get a little more excited for Halloween. It is fun to hand out candy and see the neighborhood cuties all dressed up (even though the doorbell rings only about 5 times thanks to the dark, rainy October nights here in Seattle). Last year we stayed in, dressed four-month old Jeeper in Halloween themed pajamas and answered the door. No stressful creative costuming and nothing scary. My perfect "all-hallows eve."

Jeep loves dogs, so this year I got him a puppy costume and made plans with a friend to take our babes to University Village for trick-or-treating. I told myself I was doing the right thing for the photo album and then prepared for some twoodler (like tween) fits of frustration. When one of my colleagues wished Jeep "lots of fun" on Halloween I responded with the observation that Halloween isn't exactly fun for one year olds. Not that it is torture, but fun for a one year old is a familiar place (like home) and an enthusiastic audience (especially one that will clap, cheer, sing and rough-house). Fun isn't big crowds, sitting for photos, wearing a weird hood or being urged to put treats in a basket.

I was right, Jeeper didn't burst into grins or giggles at any point during our Halloween adventures. He tolerated his hood, carefully observed all the commotion and took his treat taking very seriously. But what surprised me, in addition to his good behavior, was how much fun I had! The cool autumn air, the energy of all the families, the ease of a being with a good friend and the cuteness of my son together with the sugar high from a few mini candy bars made me into one happy Halloween mama. I'm already looking forward to celebrating Halloween as a family in the future. Just as long as I don't have to wear a costume any time soon.