Maaaaaaaybe I should care?

So this was a new thing for me today: a mid-trimester progress report for my kindergartener. Wow! Times have changed. But, we all know that, so on to the progress report. Under "Important Relationship and Study Skills" my dear boy received two O's (for Outstanding...duh, I coulda told them he was that!), four S+'s (for Satisfactory, and I guess the + means he's extra satisfactory) and two S's. Apparently he's just plain old satisfactory when it comes to "Participates in class" and "Presents neat work." All that just made me kind of chuckle and roll my eyes a little. At that point half of my brain was still stuck on the fact that I was actually reading a mid-trimester report for someone who still loves his stuffed doggy and quite often just wants his mommy.

Then I got to the "Academic Progress" section. Yes friends, kindergarten in 2006 is indeed, an "academic" endeavor. But again, you all knew that...I just still think it's funny. Don't mind me, I'm living in the past. It's nice here. So, dear boy received no O's in this category. (Enter: the first of the maaaaaaaaybe I should care? thoughts/feelings) He did receive two S+'s in Bible and Penmanship. (Think: private Christian school...perhaps they feel they owe us a progress report as we're paying dearly for this kindergarten experience? Hmm. I wonder what Jesus would've gotten an S+ in when he was five.) Four regular S's were given for Science, History/Social Studies, Mathematics and Art. An up to this point unheard of S- was given for P.E. and (drumroll....) four N's ("Attention Needed") for English, Spelling, Reading and Phonics.

My reactions to all this were, in this order: Surprise: at the whole thing. Amusement: that the envelope was sealed and addressed to "The Parents of Dear Boy." Uh, in case anyone hadn't noticed, the kindergarteners CAN'T READ each other's progress reports because they CAN'T READ! Pride: the two O's were the first two things I read. Skepticism: I think his work is neat enough, thank you! Surprise again: N for English? The kid never stops talking! Neeeeeeeever! They must be terribly, terribly confused. Or hard of hearing. Confusion: wait, don't ALL the kindergartners fall under the "Attention Needed" category for spelling and reading? Hmm...yeah, they probably all got that...isn't that kind of, oh, what's the word....OBVIOUS?! (And what we're paying for?!) Smugness: no one on God's green earth can make me care that dear boy was given an S- for P.E. You're talking to an art major here people. And Daddy was a piano performance major. So yeah, just tryyyyy to make us care. I'll care when and if it ever bothers dear boy...til then, he can run and throw like a girl for all I care. (Sue me.) Disbelief: they can say there is attention needed for phonics but I live with the kid and he tells me what letter nearly every word he says starts with based on the sound he makes and then proceeds to practice that sound, think of other words that start with it, rhyme with it, etc. etc. He's probably just too busy listening (got an O for that!) at school to show off. Is there a category for humility?! Pride again: penmanship was always a source of pride for little me as well. Who cares about math when you can write the word 'math' reeeeaaaally pretty?! And lastly, Horror: only an S for art?! Well now, this IS cause for concern! Back to that color wheel boy and no dinner until you can name and paint the primary, secondary and terciary colors!

Clearly I jest. But honestly, does not a mid-trimester progress report for a five-year-old not just beg for it?! (For the record: love the school, love the teachers, love the boy. Not in that order.)